Bear-ing it

My buddy Zack looks tired.
“If I lose any more sleep…”
Nothing else comes, so the threat is empty but there’s certainly malice behind the words.
“He was there, in a lazy-boy stance, just eating the garbage. I was this close to shooting that bear.”
No, he wasn’t. He wouldn’t have shot the bear. He wanted to, but he didn’t want to put forth the effort. You know how it is, you are so angry you make completely unreasonable declarations that should you be forced to follow through, you say you were joking. Or that you changed your mind. Or…or…or…
Zack was probably most detoured by the simple fact that discharging a firearm in town is illegal, and his home, which is in town, is in immediate proximity to his garbage bins, which would also thus be considered in town.
The bears probably know this. That would explain why they usually hunt Heftys at night. Unfortunately, bears become more brazen once they get used to these empty threats. Sometimes they even learn the look. They pause, look through you and stare as if to say, “go ahead, yell, I’ve been yelled at before.” So you yell and the bear eventually departs, pretending it learned its lesson – knowing full well it will be back.
See full column at:
http://www.capitalcityweekly.com/stories/051315/out_1247824197.shtml

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