How much grooming does a groomsman need?

(SitNews) Ketchikan, Alaska – It took me twelve minutes to get ready for my buddy Kurt’s wedding in California recently. I’m efficient, not slovenly or apathetic. I’m also a realist. In the six weddings in which I’ve been one of the groom’s dudes, I’ve learned that everyone is looking at the bride and the bridesmaid you are escorting down the aisle. As long as you’ve been washed, wiped with deodorant and have chewed breath-masking gum (which you must spit out before go-time) you’re good to go.
All that accomplished, I sat outside and allowed the slanted sun to warm my deprived skin. Thus began the final 180 minutes of sitting, waiting, standing, posing, watching, talking, and more waiting. You know what it’s like.
Then finally you escort a bridesmaid who still makes you look like a hobo even though you took almost a quarter of an hour to get ready. Had I doubled or even tripled the time spent getting ready, the result would have been markedly similar and as I mentioned, no one would have noticed anyway. Everyone was watching the bride, checking for sweat on the groom and listening to the pastor who was standing in front of an elegant gas-powered fire which radiates heat equal to that of a small sun if you are standing in front of it wearing a black suit – which Pastor Jim was. Thankfully the groom’s dude behind me turned it off before Pastor Jim sweated out his ability to speak.
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