The hunting catalog bonanza

Catalogs and social media are telling me I should be getting geared up, so I’m ready. Let’s do this. Even though the hunting season is two months old and I’ve got deer in the freezer, I need to gear up. I need to add stuff to my cart, enter the free shipping code (which will later be rejected) and become a more modern hunter.
What worked last year will clearly not work this year. Only the smart deer are left. They have communicated. They know. I need a never-miss $1,499.99 scope, some new $2,829.99 binoculars, a 25-pound deer protein block and 40 pounds of extrude nuggets instead.
This one time, a deer gazed upon me with untrusting eyes and fled. To fix that, the Redneck Blinds ‘Bale Blind’ would be sweet. It’s a 70-inch tall blind that looks like a huge bale of hay. For only $799, I could place the inconspicuous, heavy-duty, water-resistant, 85-pound shelter on the edge of a muskeg patch and wait for a nice buck.
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